Passing Thoughts

Our connections to each other, are what make us “human”.

Angels, elves, faeries, trolls, leprechauns, they’re all much more independent “beings” than human beings.  Trolls will hide under a bridge and beat you up, but they don’t form gangs, with matching bandannas.  Faeries can be friendly and sweet, but they’re much too flighty to be good parents, or medical professionals.

We are these flawed yet wondrous “beings”, due to our connections.  Not to minimize our brains, physiques, or THUMBS!  It’s just that loving, co-operating, learning, sharing, these are the BEST parts, of being human.

There was a time when I wrote fairly often.  I have less interest, because I’ve lost my wonderful cheering squad of one-my Mom.

Whether or not she liked something, she was honest.  THAT part is easy-I’m pretty honest and outspoken myself.  However, she had the rare gift of finding the grain of goodness that exists in all people, all situations, and all blogs : ) . She  led her conversation, with positive statements.   Her first words, were kind ones.  In sad situations, she looked for the silver lining, or the humor, or the important lesson that it afforded-the POSITIVE!  THAT is difficult!  I try to do that, but I’m not very good at it.      <—–That statement, is proof!

If someone makes a careless remark, I often ascribe deep meaning to it.  When friends or relatives make poor financial choices, or don’t follow through with what they promised, or should have done-I’m immediately disappointed.   Somehow, my Mom was able to minimize the damage in such situations.   My Mom could extract the one gem, in a pile of rubble, when others would have swept it all in the gutter.   Finding the good, is like playing  a game of hidden pictures, there is usually SOMETHING in there, if you look hard enough!

To act on faith or love (or whatever it was, that  SHE  had so much of) is one of the hardest things you can do.   She did it , with speed and elegance!  It  was effortless and natural, for her.   Until the end, each gesture or word, was the one most welcomed, or appreciated, by the listener.  No matter what I told her, her reaction was always better than I thought it’d be.  I never feared telling her the truth, because I knew she would (try to) see it my way.  She never accused, or recriminated.  That would be a HUGE challenge, for me.  I could be a prosecuting attorney-I only lack the degree.

As I look on July 16th (the day my Mother passed away) it is with deep regret.  Stupidly, I was not prepared for that.  I used to brag “I’ll never feel guilt or regret about Mom, because we had so much time together”.  I was wrong.  Although she taught me a lot, I still had a lot to learn from her.  That thought sinks in daily.

We were both teased often, about our extremely close connection.  My Father’s statement, and it still makes me laugh, was “She’ll lie, and you’ll swear to it”.  As with most humor, it’s the TRUTH in the statement that makes it funny, and makes you relate to it.  IF she lied, I WOULD swear to it!  I thought the world of her, it’s true!  We were not very much alike.  It was a mutual admiration society, and that’s why it was so gratifying, to both of us.  We were meant to learn from each other.

In some ways, I wish she had been more like me-more adventurous, or at least, less home bound.  She could have used a bit of my vanity-I’m a firm believer that a little hair combing, and a bit of mascara, can be a GOOD thing!  I tried mightily to make her understand that the culottes, from the Blair catalog, were not that flattering.

We needed each other.  As a human, she really needed MY help!  As a spirit, I will ALWAYS need her help.   I don’t know how much time I have left-but I hope to become all those wonderful things, that she already thought I was.

Every New Beginning

At the end of each December, we wish good riddance to the past year.   Unless we had a wedding, or a child,  or won the Lotto- we’re ready to throw in the towel, on the past year.   The “old year”?  We’re sooo OVER IT!  We’re anxious to embrace the “HAPPY New Year”.   We attach so much hope, and importance, to the road ahead.  Yet, we have NO  IDEA of  what lies before us !   We don’t have “Dread The Road Ahead” parties……we’re dreamers and wishful thinkers, the lot of us.   Not really optimists though, because we discard the past, and forget it’s value.  That’s not really looking at “the bright side”.    We’re more like gamblers.  We string banners, and blow horns, and herald the unknown, as though it’s SURE to bring us fame, fortune, health, and happy times   Well, good luck with all that!   Survival is the name of the game.  Happiness, is just one way to play it.

The close of every year finds me increasingly grateful that, so far-so good.   I’m still here, and that’s enough.  I’ve had at least 365 chances for happiness, this year.  I can thank God, and my self, that more than a few times, I got it right. I’ve had  MANY moments to reflect on,  and smile back at.  During a simple drive to work- I noticed that the sky was more beautiful than it had EVER been before!  Sky blue pink, and lit from behind, by sunbeams!   In every year, there are thousands of perfect moments.  Yet no year, was perfect.  No year ahead WILL be, either.

I’ve spent so much time, lost in dailiness.  The “have to’s”.  I still have a lot of have to’s.  It’d be great if I could carry them a little lighter though.  Responsibilities ARE luxuries, of a sort.   It’s good to depend on yourself, as I do.  Yet, I’m strong enough,  and energetic enough, that someone ELSE can depend on me too-that’s MY good fortune.

When I was married, I assumed there were things “he should do”.  Now, anything that ANYONE does to help me, is appreciated-sincerely.  Their job is “them”.  My job, is “me”.   I’m a better partner now, for a man who’s a better match for me.  I’m happy for every failed romance, that brought me here.  I hope every one of my exes, and YOURS,  find happiness- with someone else.  The happier OTHERS are, the better it is for ALL of us!  I’m thinking “global” this year.

I RESOLVE to let all my faults……..from typos to tripping, to henceforth be viewed as “unimportant”.  There’s always someone that’s NEVER typed, or who doesn’t have the energy to walk at all.  Isn’t it less stressful to view it that way?

Improvement  is gradual, anyways.  THAT’S something that  took me a long time to figure out!  Proficiency at any task, comes slowly, in the beginning.  Once you build a small base of knowledge, or get the simple stuff out of the way-watch out!  Everything comes easier, after that!   STARTING,  takes a leap of faith.  Momentum and practice, take care of the rest.

It’s easier to try new things, or make resolutions, when I keep my expectations in check.  My hopes  for this year then?  To do everything I can- the easy way.   To progress at my own (slow) rate, and keep my expectations modest (low.)  To remember that anything I don’t get the hang of, or end up doing well- is unimportant.  That about covers it……..I don’t want to over-commit.   That said, I wish all of us, many MOMENTS of ecstasy and beauty, happiness and health.

Happy NEW year?  Maybe.  Happy OLD Year, I’m finally sure of.  It was.

I hope yours was too.